Charlotte & Baker

My husband and I had always joked about having twins. We would “joke” about how cool it would be to have twinkies, as we called them. To our wonderful surprise, our “joke” became a reality. At our first ultrasound, I saw the two sacs before the doctor did. My first reaction was laughter, while my husband couldn’t even find words to say. I had a gut feeling from the very beginning that they were boy/girl twins, and around 12 weeks my suspicions were confirmed. It was the “perfect” scenario. I loved being pregnant, watching my belly grow, feeling the babies move, and brainstorming names and nursery designs.

Everything up until 23 weeks had been going very well. Both babies measured on track, and checked all the boxes for a healthy twin pregnancy. On our way out the door at our 23-week appointment, the ultrasound tech ran after us and told us the doctor noticed my cervix was on the shorter size and wanted to monitor me for contractions. Although I wasn’t feeling anything, I was having irritable contractions, a complication of twin pregnancies. This, combined with Baby A being very low, was causing my cervix to shorten. I was put on medication to stop contractions, given a steroid shot to speed along lung development, and sent home for bed rest. Three weeks later, 26 weeks and 1 day pregnant, I woke up in the middle of the night and knew something was wrong. I was admitted to L&D at Stamford Hospital and by the time the doctors could figure out what was going on, Baby A was pushing herself out! Within minutes, Charlotte Grace was born weighing 1 lb. 13 oz. The first thing I said when my baby was born was, “Is she alive?” Baker Francis followed via emergency C-section, weighing 1 lb. 11 oz.

The first time I saw my babies was painful. I imagined this moment to be SO different. I imagined everyone crying happy tears, babies crying healthy cries, and visitors coming to pass around two bundles of joy! Instead, I cried tears of fear and sadness. The tubes keeping my babies alive were bigger than they were! My babies barely could make a sound due to weak lungs and visitors came to console me. The feeling in the room was supposed to be excitement but instead it was somber.

Every day we held our breaths that they would make it through the day without a complication. Miraculously, both were extubated after one day and were on a high flow nasal cannula within a week. Baker’s PIC line was out after about a week and Charlotte avoided one all together. Charlotte had one blood transfusion on day 3 and a grade 2-brain bleed that thankfully resolved itself within a week.

Weaning the babies off oxygen was an up and down experience. Baker suffered from reflux and D-stated often because of it. Neither baby loved the low-flow oxygen and after a day or two of weaning their oxygen levels would need to be increased because of D-stating spells. Both were finally off oxygen about ten days before they came home.

Thankfully, neither baby had any signs of ROP or needed any surgeries or major medical interventions.

Charlotte and Baker finally made it through the NICU in 72 and 77 days respectively. Baker took a few extra days to figure out how to eat and breathe at the same time! It also took him two tries to pass his car seat test.

My first-time-mom experience was very different than I thought it would be. My babies were born before my belly really grew. Most of my maternity clothes were returned before they were even worn. I didn’t have a baby shower until more than a month after their birth. Instead of snuggling my newborns on my couch, I touched them through a hole in a plastic box. Instead of long nights rocking a baby to sleep, my sleepless nights were because of fear at that my phone would ring with bad news. I didn’t tell many people that they were born right away because I was scared I would have to follow up with bad news. I didn’t send pictures either, because I didn’t want people to be scared of my babies that were beautiful in my eyes.

I lived in a fog for two and a half months. I woke up every morning and got ready to go to the hospital. I called so many times over night to check on the babies that the nurses knew my phone number off the caller ID! I would arrive at the hospital for their 8 am care time and then do skin to skin for the three hours in between until the next one! At first, I was scared to touch them. Their skin was so thin and sensitive and they looked so fragile, but with the gentle guidance of the NICU nurses, holding them became my favorite part of the day. I dreamed of the day I would be able to hold them without all the wires! Beeping, monitors, and breathing machines became my new normal. I became familiar with medical jargon and knew the layout of the hospital like the back of my hand. I watched family after family around us gets discharged with their baby, while I went home another night to two empty cribs. I felt like the world was going on, but my world was standing still.

I was alone most days at the hospital, my husband and family were all working, but I never felt lonely. My family and friends would consistently call and text me, and many visited me for a cafeteria lunch date when they could! The NICU doctors and nurses became my friends and treated my babies like their own when I couldn’t be there. The Tiny Miracles Foundation came to my room the day the babies were born and I cried and said, “I’m so sorry but I’m so mad that I’m part of your ‘group’.” Now, I am forever grateful for this group of preemie parents I am a part of. Everyday I either got a call or visit from a TTMF member. They would sit with me in the NICU or come for lunch. Many followed the babies’ medical journey and would offer advice or answer my questions about treatment, and always followed up. I always had someone to call or text when I wanted to vent or cry about being a preemie mom. No one understood how I was feeling except them! Even when the babies came home and the anxiety of having to care for two preemies became overwhelming, I called on TTMF for support, and STILL do!

Charlotte and Baker are now happy, healthy 6 ½ month-old babies, weighing in at 13 and 14 pounds! At their last appointment they both made it on the growth chart for their actual age! They are developing and hitting milestones normally for their adjusted age. They have started smiling and giggling, grabbing, and rolling over! They recognize mommy and daddy’s faces and voices and love napping, bath time and looking at themselves in the mirror! Everyone is astonished that these healthy babies were born at 26 weeks and under 2 pounds, with no medical complications. We are eternally grateful for the support and dedication of Stamford hospital NICU staff and our support systems! Our babies are true tiny MIRACLES!